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I have made a decision. I am going to try the combination of antibiotics that I was prescribed in December last year and refused to take - Rifampicin and Clindamycin. Recently, I haven't had any standard medical treatment for my HS. Years ago, I was prescribed topical steroid cream, antibiotic cream and standard antibiotics, when the HS was misdiagnosed as foliculitis/ingrown hair. Since being properly diagnosed, I have been taking homeopathic meds and painkillers. Despite my recent failure to keep it up, the autoimmune protocol diet has proven to be the most successful treatment I have had. But I have well and truly off that wagon and rolled way off down the hill. I need something to help me get back on. Is this it?

I have completely mixed emotions about this decision. In fact, when I agreed with my GP yesterday that I would try the antibiotics, I burst into tears. Then when I went to the pharmacy to collect them, I welled up again. It seems that I have spent so long (it has only been a few months, but I have never denied being just a wee bit melodramatic), trying to deal with this disease without hard drugs that this just seems like an epic fail. On the other hand, there is so much going on in our lives at the moment - trying to pack the house up for our move, deal with an awkward landlord and all the other general life stuff that happens when you are dealing with a building insurance claim from abroad and building a house! I am struggling to keep up with a varied diet for me and deal with the various food intolerances that my little one seems to have, too. All in all, I just don't feel like I am making progress at the moment and my meandering motivation just will not come back. And combating this disease by diet needs 100% motivation.

I have come to the end of my Serocytol homeopathic treatment and had written it off as not working. However, after speaking to my friend, who recommended it in the first place, I probably should carry on with it for another 3 months before making any firm conclusions. At the moment though, I haven't got time for this disease. Waking up in the night in pain and barely being able to sit down or walk, makes it very hard to deal with life. So I will book an appointment with my homeopath (who lives a long drive away) and get on with my other meds. On the plus side, my GP gave me another referral to a Dermatologist who he says has a lot of experience in her field. Lets hope she's more cop than the last one!

I have read plenty of stuff from you guys and medical publications about the treatment that I am about to embark on. Many say it's the Devil's work. Many say they work just fine. Others stop due to gastrointestinal distress they suffer, whilst some say probiotics (sauerkraut, kefir, or pills) stave off the worst of the side effects. I would love to hear more positive (or negative!) experiences and if anyone has a time frame as to how long it worked for, or the type of improvements they found - or even if it worked in harmony with a change in their diet? I'd really love to hear more about it.

All I know now is I don't feel proud of what I'm about to do to my body, but like everything else, I am willing to give it a shot. I'm going to have one last weekend of Champagne (my hubby's birthday is today), eating out and pretending that this disease isn't having a major effect on my life.

So Monday here we come. I have my sauerkraut ready, antibiotics waiting and I'm good to go.

Bring it on.

I am broken.

My holiday is finished and my HS is having the time of it's life. For those of you who are using diet to control your HS - well done. Stick with it - it really does work. I have eaten potatoes, crisps, sugary desserts; I have drunk many different types of alcohol - one too many cocktails. I have eaten bread, had gravy and just thrown caution to the wind. I'm paying for it now.

I was definitely allowed the mackerel, rocket and the flowers. Don't ask about the rest...

Whilst away, I didn't get my usual 8 hours sleep as Nina woke up every morning between 6:00 and 7:00. I didn't stick to my diet. I lived on painkillers. I spent lots of time with friends and family. I had an amazing time.

Strawberries are Paleo, right? 

I must admit that I'm feeling pretty rough right now, though. Not only are there post-holiday blues to contend with, but I am almost back to where I started diet-wise. I have a lot of admiration for those who can stick to the diet whilst away.

I definitely wasn't the one laughing last....

Perhaps if I hadn't had so many different things planned and so many dinners out, I could have made more of a concerted effort to eat better. Perhaps not. Perhaps I'm just not ready to admit that I can control this disease, by limiting the foods I eat. Although it is apparent, now more than ever, that my HS is definitely affected by my food intake. I did learn that it seemed to be at its worst when I had a combination of gluten and sugar. The occasional glass of good wine didn't affect me too badly before, but a combination of apple crumble and rum cocktails induced a major flare.

It's probably a good time to mention that I have been on the homeopathic treatment, Serocytol, for three months. I have been taking a combination of four different drops: SRE, Neuro-vasculaire, Malphigien and Emonctoires. I started taking them the week after I started the AI protocol diet, so when my symptoms improved, I was not sure if the Serocytol had had an effect. However, after the last couple of weeks of free-eating, and the return of the bad-boy flares, I am 100% sure that they haven't worked for me. I should go back to the homeopath and try something new. I really should. Soon. Not now, but soon.

So, its back to reality. Now, if I could just find where I left my motivation before I went on holiday.....

A Hen weekend of dancing, camping, drinking and amazing company is at an end. I am soooo sore - it's horrible, but it was worth it!

Extra large erection - no men involved!

Preparation was pretty easy, as we'd already taken tents etc out to the campsite. I just had to make sure I had all my dressings and food that I could eat (and the essential camping item - a pillow). I had packed a whole load of mackerel, salad, fruit and chopped raw veg to snack on, but in the end, after I'd had a mackerel salad lunch, I couldn't resist all the lovingly prepared cakes that were laid out.

What's the deal with cheating when the outcome is not about weight gain though?? It seems that now when I want to eat something sweet, it's not the same as cheating for normal diet reasons.  When I used to diet, I would have had a couple of small slices of everything - savouring the taste and knowing that even a small amount is better than nothing. There was even the possibility that by my next weigh-in, I could have lost the extra pound or two. Now, the philosophy is different. Any sweets I have WILL have an impact on my HS, so I don't seem to be able to limit the intake, stuffing in as much as my (now delicate) tummy can handle! On this special occasion, it was also being washed down by a Malibu rum cocktail.....

A couple of hours later and the effects of having this yucky disease started to creep in. I suffered some stomach distress from the creamy cake fillings and various sugars from the alcohol and juice (yummy...oooh..ouchy). It's pretty annoying, but cutting out all dairy has made me lactose intolerant. Another annoyance...I couldn't partake in a Space Hopper race to the pub, as bouncing on this sore backside is out of the question. I'm sure I would've won. On a positive note, I got to take some great photos. Every cloud and all that.

The limousine was cancelled...

I managed to curb my indulgence at the pub and ordered a poached salmon and salad. It was delicious, but instead of replacing the usual potatoes with an equivalent sized salad, I was given just one small side bowl-full of green leaves and green pepper (that I can't eat, as peppers are from the nightshade family). Usually my portions of salad at home are enormous and contain more than just leaves, like carrots, fennel, radishes and cucumber - yummers. Next time I must remember to specify that I'd like a rabbit hutch portion of salad to replace my carbs.

Back at the camp, I got back on the cocktails. I only had a couple of glasses before I got the camping stove on for some green tea. Instead of feeling like I was missing out, I quite enjoyed nursing a hot cup of tea and watching the others get hideously drunk!

The following morning I woke up in pain and headed straight up to the shower block. Surely there's nothing more annoying than that person on a camping trip who gets showered and dressed before you've even lifted one heavy, hungover eyelid?? And the others were all very hungover! I had to do it though - I needed to wash all my wounds and redress them, so that I could walk with less pain, help take the tent down and clear up our stuff. I think I was back before anyone really noticed I was gone.

I took some anti-inflammatories to reduce the swelling and the pain. When I am strictly AI, I don't use ibuprofen as it messes with your stomach. On this occasion, one more bad ingredient in there couldn't have made any difference. For breakfast I had a tin of mackerel and a grapefruit - I can't believe I managed to resist the bacon rolls that the girls were eating! Pain is pretty motivating though, so I was glad I'd packed some sensible food to eat.

We packed up in about 40 minutes - amazing considering the hangovers. I was back in Sandown ready to meet my family for a pub lunch...another food minefield, but at this stage I'm so broken, I'm just enjoying the food and upping the painkillers.... holidays don't last forever!

I am heading back to the UK for a surprise visit for a close friend's hen weekend. I am so excited about the holiday and seeing friends and family, but extremely apprehensive. I guess travelling alone with a 22 month old baby would be a scary enough prospect for anyone, but for me that is not the biggest issue. I have different concerns.

I will not have my own food and limited access to kitchens for the first couple of days. After a day of travelling on Tuesday, we will be staying at a friend's house in Hassock's for one night and will be visiting in London the following day. I won't be at Mum's until Wednesday evening. I'm still struggling to come to terms with the limited foods that I can eat. As I so often fall off the wagon, I feel it's a little hypocritical of me to start demanding that people make allowances for my diet. On the other hand, I should have the right to choose when I want to fall off my wagon - shouldn't I? Even 3 months on, I'm still not sure how to deal with my dietary changes in new situations. In any case, I've packed a whole loads of fruit for the trip and plan on buying bags of washed salad for my lunch on Wednesday. My lovely, accommodating friend has reassured me that my food needs are not too tricky, so Tuesday evening should be fine, too.

My other issues are a bit more icky. Dressings and washable pads. I'll strap on some Mepilex, gauze and Micropore before I leave, and at my first loo break, I'll just ditch them. If I don't strap up and I have to walk for some distance, I get sore much quicker. However, with a suitcase, baby and baby-carrier, I don't think I'll quite manage to replace the dressings on my journey. What will I do with my washable pads (yes, I have made my own home-made sanitary pads and they are much more comfortable than the plasticky disposables)? I think I have a waterproof zip bag that I can use - but who wants to be carrying dirty pads around with them?! After weighing it up, I figure it is just another thing I should get over. I just need to be prepared when I go change the pads, and have my little bag ready.

I'm disappointed that I'm already flaring from my last holiday. I so wanted to be flare-free and hoped to indulge a little more this time. With a camping trip planned for the weekend, with camping food and cocktails, I really wanted some leeway. On the other hand, I'm also disappointed that I'm completely off track. I so wanted to be disciplined with this. I wanted to heal my leaky gut, be flare-free, head into remission and live a pain-free life. Instead I am on a different path, but one that means I am living and enjoying life. I am not ensconced in my diet and I am not monitoring every little change in my skin. I am socialising, laughing, having fun and eating fun foods. I am, for much of the time, pretending I haven't got this disease. My flares are much worse, but I know that after these holidays, I will back to reality. HS doesn't let you forget for long.

We're home!

I made it through and did not run out of salad, nor starve. I had a lovely time, although I did spend an inordinate amount of it preparing salad for seven people every meal!

Serving up my famous roasted sweet potatoes, grated ginger, cumin and garlic...

I did cheat a little, but I didn't suffer too badly. I definitely felt the effects of having some wine and cheese, with the inflammation getting quite bad towards the end. Everybody was super accommodating and I really didn't feel like my diet had too much of an impact on anyone else, which was a relief.

A little reading break at the Beach Library...

Definitely not wearing my bikini in this one!

The weather was crappy and the boys only got to surf a few times. It was so cold, that there were no bikini moments - another thing I was dreading! I had bought a lovely pair of bikini surf style, short shorts for the occasion, so that I could wear bikini bottoms underneath with all my dressings, too. I know when the time comes, I'll still be paranoid about wearing a tight fitting pair of shorts. C'est la vie!

When everyone had ice cream, Nina and I had sorbet, which was delicious. I really savoured those junk food moments, knowing that it would all have to be very worth it for the consequences that would follow!

We had to have the apartment clean, sheets laundered and be out by 10 am Sunday morning, so thought it would be easier to clean up Saturday and spend the last night at our place - just an hour's drive from the apartment and on the way home for the others. We packed up, cleaned up and Ed and I headed home with Nina, whilst Tyla and the others spent a few hours at the lake.

Our holiday roomie, Elliot - what a beauty!

We got a BBQ on the go and finished up with plenty of good wine. A plus for me was that I had everything unpacked, put away, washing on and all back to normal by Saturday evening - a day earlier than expected.

Back in the tiny kitchen, marinating the pork chops for the Barbie.

So overall, it went well. I had to resort to painkillers by the end of the week, but only in the evening before bed. I had one incident of a little stomach distress, after treating myself to some 85% Lindt chocolate. Another downside to avoiding certain foods, is that your body quickly develops an all round intolerance to them. From having an iron stomach for my whole life, I am now lactose intolerant. I did eat nearly the whole bar of chocolate, so perhaps I went just a little overboard...

Now I must prepare for my little trip to UK.  I fly out Tuesday with the wee one, so I need to get myself ready for holiday part deux....


All images © 2013 Leila Bodros. Not to be used, copied or redistributed without express permission from Leila Bodros.

I'm a little unnerved this week for two reasons.

Firstly: there are two bank holidays - tomorrow and the next day.

For those who live in the UK, you'll know this normally means epic panic buying by most of the nation, who are compelled to stock up like there is going to be a war/food drought. I went shopping the day before yesterday and there was hardly anyone in the store. Maybe I was a day early or maybe in France, as they are used to the supermarkets being shut on a Sunday, they just buy their normal shopping, safe in the knowledge that unless we really piss North Korea off, we will all be able to go and buy our usual food on Friday. In any case, I set about my shop like a true panicked Brit, wondering what someone who only eats fresh food does when all the shops are shut?? Cue, a little more panic and then huge stockpiling of salad making ingredients....rocket, iceburg lettuce, radishes, cucumbers, carrots, apples, lemons, limes, oranges, olive oil. My trolley looks like I am about to open a restaurant for rodents, but my panic is subsiding. I've bought the lemons, limes and oranges to make a three citrus fruit vinaigrette after my reaction to vinegar (or was it the artichokes? Who knows?!). I plan on making a whole jar of it, so whenever I fancy some more salad, I'm good to go.  This time of year and with a little vinaigrette, I can eat piles and piles of salad. I also buy plenty of tinned mackerel, veggies and soya stuff for the wee one. I know soya products are no good, but I feel my hands are a bit tied as she's lactose intolerant and I can't find any other substitutes here. The reason I've bought yoghurts leads me to reason number deux....

We're going on holiday.

I don't mean an all inclusive fortnight in the sun with no kids, but a lovely coastal, family holiday just an hour's drive from here, in a self-catering apartment. We are going with 2 other couples, their baby and a dog. They are a lovely combo of French, Brazilian and Ecuadorian and are bound to bring plenty of milk products like yoghurt, that I'll need to substitute when Nina spies them. I am happy to get away, but a little bit apprehensive. Not only will I be away from my (tiny) kitchen, but I will be sharing meals with four other people. I don't think my diet is too restrictive - I can make delicious huge main meals that everyone can enjoy. However, I am worried about the little things that others may notice, like turning down cheese, bread and wine or eating a cooked plate of courgettes and mushrooms for breakfast, when everyone else is eating cereal. The worst fear is having to say no to a dish because it has an ingredient that I can't have. We have all agreed to bring food for two main meals, but we've also said not to worry too much about my dinners as I will bring extra food just in case. It's just annoying to be different though or make others feel like they're excluding you, right?

Anyhow, I have bought enough food to see me through - pretty much for the whole 5 days. I am thoroughly prepared and pretty organised, if I do say so myself. I have made my vinaigrette, we've packed the drill and hammer to open the coconuts and there is enough stuff to see that we live comfortably for the duration of our stay. I've been packing and repacking, making sure I have all my dressings and medicines, cleaning the house, tackling the ever growing pile of washing and organising the girls.

I'm exhausted. Holiday, anyone??

I'm back in the driving seat today and feeling calm again. I have just purchased some digestive enzymes and spirulina and am about to buy some krill oil, glucosamine and chondroitin, MSM and turmeric with piperine supplements. I have never been a big fan of supplements, mainly because I was rubbish at remembering to take them and they would just end up out of date. But now I am all grown up and have to take my homeopathic Serocytols twice a day, I'm sure I can remember more supplements (although I have already forgotten to take the digestive enzyme...just getting it now. Ok, we're good) If I do forget, generally pain jogs the memory sufficiently well. It's just then finding someone to bring you the stuff, because you've just found the right position to sit in to avoid the pain and don't want to set it all off again.

My eggs trial has failed - I had a flare up after two days of eating them. I'm not too disappointed, although I did have visions of making some AIP baked goodies one day. I'm sure there are some scrumptious baking recipes without eggs out there, although I'm not torturing myself by looking. 'No food fun' is still my motto at the moment.

I am hoping to reintroduce cooked tomatoes next week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this one. Before I started the AI protocol diet, I had tomatoes at virtually every meal. We had tomatoes in tagines, curries, bolognese sauce, lasagne-free lasagne, chicken casserole, with fish, vegetable stew and well, just about everything. It was a real heart breaker to omit them from my diet. It changed our entire meal plans. It was hard, but it really challenged us get creative about how we were eating. Avoiding tomatoes has been a good way to eliminate chilli and peppers. And finding out that standard beef was causing flares meant there was no point in trying to recreate 'fajita' style lettuce wraps or any other ground beef sauce that normally required tomatoes. It was time to put the Mexicans to bed and move on!

A little round up of most of what is definitely off my menu for good:

• Eggs
• Regular beef ( I haven't tried grass-fed, as I haven't gotten round to finding here in France)
• Grains
• Legumes
• Raw tomatoes
• Artichokes
• Raw/Undercooked cabbage
• Raw onions (make my mouth taste like sh*t, so probably a good indicator that I shouldn't be eating them anyway!)
• Soy products
• Potatoes
• Deep fried food

If it's not on my list and it is a nightshade or any other AIP food, it means I haven't tried reintroducing it yet and I live in hope that I won't have a flare up when I do (please God, let me be able to tolerate chilli - don't leave me hanging). Until then, the rest of the food are all 'maybes' and I live in hope :)

I have no idea where to start with this post. Do I start with the fact I'm having a new flare, despite 'clean' eating? Do I say that I'm glad my mini-meltdown from yesterday is over? Do I explain that despite thinking I was ready to reintroduce old foods, I may have to eliminate new ones?? Maybe that last one is a good place to start. It was the cause of the mini meltdown anyway and I need to start thinking of solutions, not dwelling on things I have no control over.

So here it is. I think that I am reacting to FODMAPs. Many IBS sufferers will be familiar with this acronym. Straight from Wiki:

FODMAPs are short chain carbohydrates and monosaccharides which are poorly absorbed in the small intestine, including fructans, galactans, fructose and polyols. The term is an acronym, deriving from "Fermentable, Oligo-, Di-, Mono-saccharides and Polyols"

I had a little flare after eating cabbage and then a huge flare yesterday after eating a whole globe artichoke the night before. Yummy fresh, wholesome artichoke. Now added to my 'can't have' list.  Great.

On this occasion, there was nothing else that could have caused this flare other than the offending green ball. When I thought cabbage may have caused a flare,  I asked for some advice on the Facebook page The HS Diet Connection and I was told to consider FODMAPS. Now, I had heard of them before, but any elimination diet is overwhelming enough and when I started the AI protocol and looked at FODMAPs I just ignored the latter and focused on the AI diet. I was a bit overwhelmed as it was and I think that trying to cut out FODMAPs would've tipped me over the edge.

I have been doing the AI diet since February and although it's been hard, I don't feel as daunted by a new regime as I did back when I started. I think I am ready to make a change. From today I will spend a ridiculous amount of time (that I'll never get back) researching various internet resources on FODMAPs and familiarising myself with new recipes in order to fully embrace this new food lifestyle.

I did a basic search and found this beautiful table, produced by Aglaée the Paleo Dietitian, which stopped me spinning off the deep end and gave me a good place to start. Her site is stacked with info about all the variations on the paleo diet and has been a great place for me to start with this new look at foods. The following picture is used with her permission.

There are a few things that I am confident that I am ok eating. Well cooked onions, garlic, sweet potato and sauerkraut have all been my good friends over the past few months and I think I can tolerate them fairly well. However, this might be the completely subjective view of a person in denial. We'll see. For the purpose of staying sane and still being able to eat more than just chicken and carrots, I am reintroducing some of the old foods that are ok on the FODMAP chart. Starting with eggs. 

So, today has been a new 'Day 1' for me. I feel a bit lost again and a bit sick of it all. Just when I thought it was safe to leave Google alone for a while, I have to start at the very beginning of a new way of eating. Life could be worse I suppose. There could be no Google at all and then I'd be moaning about that.

And to get through it all, once again, I am playing the 'glad' game, remembering to be grateful for all the amazing stuff I have - although right now, I'd probably trade it all in for some Lindt 85% dark chocolate!

Tyla asked me what it is like to be a parent. I said that it is the best job in the world, but it can also be the worst. I know she understands that statement, even though it sounds harsh. One minute she makes my heart feel like it's fit to burst with pride and love and the next, I am tearing my hair out trying to deal with a stubborn 'teenager', who refuses to do as she's told. Lately it's been more of the former and part of it has manifested from her approach to how we eat now. We have become more united and she has shown me strength of character - beautiful independent thoughts exude from her. To explain though, I guess I'll have to go over a little of how our eating habits have changed in our home.

When I set out to eat a Paleo diet, I spent hours doing my usual research and my mind floated dreams of us all eating pile of vegetables and fruit, good protein and eliminating bread, pasta and all the 'bad' foods from our household. I had no idea how I would implement it, nor how it would pan out. I read about several different approaches to applying 'the changeover' at home; from the extreme, who ban everything and take a blanket approach within their household to those who made the changes for themselves and left the family to eat as they were before.There was not a great deal of in between, but maybe people think others don't want to read about people, who (like me), go through waves of eating styles in their home based on the ethos of eating Paleo and more sustainably.

So I introduced Paleo to the family and let them decide. Ed backed me and from day one our main meals were strictly non-processed and free from grains, rice, white potatoes and pasta. There was no more take-away pizza, no more beautiful mushroom risotto, with white wine and parmesan (Tyla's favourite) and no more spaghetti bolognese. Tyla understood the changes and although she was a little reluctant, she soon became a massive fan of vegetable tagine and sweet potato with prawn Thai style soup. I carried on buying her any cereal she liked; I also bought bread, butter, milk and cheese. When Tyla started school over here in September, she ate school meals - carb-laden and although sometimes reliably sourced and organic, for the most part a lot of processed food.

At Christmas, family and friends sent tons of chocolates, sweets and biscuits from the UK - a lovely idea, but not great for a family who were trying to develop a new way of eating. I encouraged home baking, as I always have, and emphasised to Tyla how great it was that we could see what ingredients she was putting in her sweets. I gave her constant and well-deserved praise for the beautiful cakes and cookies she made.

When my HS got worse, I decided to take the autoimmune approach and eliminated everything I needed to, with no cheating at all. The family were subjected to more meal changes; no tomatoes, spices, chilli and eggs. Cooking got a whole lot harder and we had to get more creative. There were a lot of roasted vegetables, roasted chicken, pork. More sweet potato chips, stir fry broccoli, onion and a constant struggle to try and get leafy greens into our diet. A trip to Ed's family went really well - everybody accommodated my changes and even though there was the usual chocolate, milk and pancakes for everyone else, together we had amazing main meals - simple but delicious fish and chicken dishes and organic vegetables. We encouraged Tyla to eat how she wanted and explained that being at Nanny's on holiday was a good time to indulge, if she wanted to - and she did. As the diet continued I found I had a reaction to red meat and so homemade burgers, BBQ steak and ground beef were off the menu. More changes, restrictions and struggles, but we kept looking for more recipes.

One day when I was writing a shopping list, Tyla said to me that she didn't want any more sugary/chocolate breakfast cereal.  She told me that she wished to be healthier and have more protein for breakfast. It helped that the paediatrician in New Orleans had told her that protein was an important part of her breakfast - funny the things kids remember. She said she was going to start eating omelettes instead. She decided that to do this she would shower the night before to allow herself time to cook breakfast. And she did. She cooked mackerel omelettes everyday for a longtime. As she became more confident in using the hob, she took a bigger interest in cooking. She started reading my recipe books and writing lists of ingredients for me to buy. She then started baking alone. From the weighing of ingredients, peeling and cutting fruit to using the oven.

Since then she has cooked apple crumble, cakes, upside-down apple and walnut pie. She made an amazing BBQ sauce from a paleo cookbook and I often find her with her head in a recipe book, plotting her next bake-off. She tries hard to eat like me. She asks how much protein is in her food. She eats large helpings of salad with her dinner, without even being asked. She still eats sweets if she wants to, but they are never bought by me. My Mum asked if Tyla would like some sweets and I suggested she buy Tyla some silicone cupcake moulds. Tyla loves them!

She's back on cereal now, but it's organic muesli, instead of Coco Pops. She has tried soya milk instead of cow's milk. She talks about how different foods make her feel. She has an awareness of her diet, that last year even I didn't have.

So this is how we do it in our house. We don't all eat the same, but there are no special allowances when it comes to our main meals together. We try new foods and recipes often and we encourage baking - even if it is nowhere near paleo. We cook together and eat together and this is one of the parts of our lives that has made us closer. Tyla still drives me insane and is as stubborn as a mule, but she is educated, objective and very considerate. I am proud of my daughter and her approach to eating, even if it is not the same as mine.

Hangover. Day 3.

Wow. This is not good. How did I used to suffer this pain all the time? I am 3 days into recovery from my 'binge' on Saturday and my HS is horrible! I have new spots, pain and all over discomfort. It hurts to sit down again - well, it always hurts a little to sit down, but right now? Horrible! I am taking paracetamol again - just one in the morning and one at night to help me sleep. I am having to completely strap all my wounds up, to stop the pain that I am getting from the chaffing. there are so many unmentionable side effects from a flare, I am just going to stop right now!

Monday was a complete right off. Now that was due to the wine hangover. When did it get so hard to overcome a night of drinking? I guess I didn't feel so bad Sunday, because I was still buzzing a little from the lovely evening we'd had the night before, but Monday was a different story. I was tired, in pain and just one thing after another went wrong - I even locked myself out and had to break in by climbing through the neighbours' gardens - not an easy feat when you are suffering a big HS flare!

The good news is I'm coming out of it though and I know it will get better than this. Before, a flare like this would have really gotten me down, as I would have had no clue as to how to reduce the pain again.   I wouldn't say I feel completely in control, but at least I know that by staying on the right food path, the inflammation will slowly subside. Even though I am moaning now, I know that the reality is that this pain could be 100% worse right now. My 'golfball' has not swollen back up to a golfball since I started the AI diet. All the HS spots I have right now have done a complete cycle over the last three days and at the risk of sounding icky (which we always do with this disease!), all are leaking nicely!

So it's been a tough couple of days, but I am still feeling positive. The worst thing I can do is start thinking about what I haven't/can't do when i'm in pain. This morning I put zero pressure on myself to achieve anything and it worked; no expectations for me =  increased motivation. In the end, I managed to bake bread for the rest of the family (which always makes you feel like you've achieved something doesn't it?) and ended up doing a lot of washing and housework - success!

As far as the diet goes, I am pretty keen to start reintroducing foods in a controlled way soon. I hope I don't trip myself up again and manage to stay on the right path!

Hangover Day.

I had a fabulous evening with friends last night. It was a perfect end to a not so perfect week. Last night I ate most everything I am not supposed to, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a conscious choice and almost certainly swayed by the fact I was having a flare up anyway - what's a couple more days pain once you're in it?

I have three suspects on my flare list. Number one - gluten. Straight forward, right? You'd think so. But it was an accident. I was making pasta for the kids - they don't always eat everything I do - and I cooked the carrots in with the pasta. When I dished up, I absent-midedly ate a few of the carrots. Oh. There's gluten in the water and probably soaked all the way into my otherwise innocent carrots. What an idiot. So, instead of having a lovely piece of homemade flatbread with garlic infused olive oil and parsley, the olive oil dripping down my chin, whilst I savour the moist, hot, doughy piece of heaven....I got carrots. Idiot.

Number two: Lady's time of the month. Boo. 'Nuff said.

Number three: Walnuts. A conscious decision to have walnuts, as I had already started to flare from either Suspect One or Suspect Two. Ed made an amazing dinner of organic chicken breast, filled with pesto, with a side of sautéed cabbage and paris mushrooms. The pesto recipe came from my Well Fed cookbook and it happened to include walnuts. It was delicious. Walnuts may not have been the culprit, but as I was on a downward spiral already, who knows?

So there we go. By last night, I had already flared up pretty bad. My decision to slowly reintroduce foods was thwarted again, by an accidental ingestion of gluten, damn hormones and well, a slippery slope from there. So, last night we had this:

An appetiser of julienne cut raw carrots and radishes, with a creme fraiche and chive dip (I didn't have dip). Then I made the aforementioned flatbread, dripping with roasted garlic infused olive oil and parsley, cooked on a pizza stone ( I had a bit of this - first time I've had flour in three months).

For main we had marinated a huge rump steak in olive oil, salt and pepper in the morning and left it all day. The same with two duck breasts, skin on. We also had pork strips, just 'nature'. Just an hour or so before dinner, we squeezed the juice of a Sanguinello orange (blood orange) into the duck marinade.

These were cooked on our BBQ and seared with a salad of rocket, iceberg lettuce, thinly sliced fennel, sliced radish and diced cucumber, with a Sanguinello, lemon and oil dressing. The combination of all the meats and the salad, especially with the citrus dressing was amazing! I probably enjoyed this food the most, despite the other food indulgences. There's nothing quite like grilled meat with an amazing salad.

My other downfall. Wine and pudding. Ty had made an amazing apple crumble and once I started tucking into this, I helped myself to quite a bit! It was probably nothing compared to the portions I would have had before, but I guess there is no such thing as a 'good' sized portion of flour, butter and sugar! We drank 3 bottles of quality red wine and finished off with some organic Brie and Tommes cheese. Heaven.

I woke up at 4.30 am in a bit of stomach distress and with a headache. I had one (usually prohibited) ibuprofen, lots of water and went back to bed.

So, here it is. Hangover Day. But this morning I feel good. I had a great night. I didn't beat myself up about what I ate and today all I am craving is salad. I am not in hideous pain (yet!) I hope I stay on course and that my flares go as quickly as they came. Roll on beautiful Sunday!

We are making plans to move pretty soon and the house is a little chaotic. On the plus side, we have already packed a few boxes and I have managed to finally get motivated to put Nina in nursery. She starts properly next week. Just two mornings, but it's an ad hoc facility, which is really cool and based on our income, is only 1.10 euro an hour - fab!

Finally the HS swelling is going down - recovering from my red meat, salmon, vinegar experiences has been pretty tough. I guess like falling off any wagon, when you had been doing so well, picking yourself up again is a challenge. I have been more careful again, apart from the odd coffee and a couple of small glasses of good white wine this week. I have been taking my Serocytols medication and occasionally remembering to take my magnesium and other homeopathic remedies. I have been gorging on fresh coconut, which is probably not a good thing. Is there a recommended daily allowance for coconut?? I really should Google it up. Aside from that though, my face has cleared up and I feel good. I am going to try duck breast on the BBQ this weekend and see if it affects me. I am feeling more in control and ready to start a more structured reintroduction of foods.

I have been reading more and more posts about about people finding diet has helped them improve their HS. It's fantastic to hear it from so many. It's a tough disease and sometimes it seems all you ever read is negative comments from people. I have to remind myself that the pain can take you into a dark forest, where even the strongest of us lose sight of the light. I am grateful that my journey is mostly positive and I have the support to keep on battling this disease in the most natural way possible.

I have never been what I class a 'sporty' person. As far back as I can remember, I admired those with a lean physique. No 'bulging hips' or pot belly, the ability to run and run for ever, to push themselves no matter what. Even when I was a kid, I quit ballet at age 5. My reason was that I thought I couldn't point my toes properly. Everybody else's feet looked beautifully arched, whilst my flat-footed 'point' just didn't look the same. I never told my Mum why I didn't want to go anymore and later in life, she told me the ballet teacher was sad to see me go, because I had been one of the best in the class! I guess like most things in life, being 'sporty' is all about perception.

Since then I've been a rower, I've attended boxing training, I've been a gym member and even took a GCSE in PE. I still never truly felt sporty. Then in 2007, I started running. It was a revelation to start running at my own pace and find that I could run and run for many miles, so long as I kept a reasonable pace. Later, when I worked in a prison, we would work out and run up to 4 days a week in our lunch hour - perfect! No need to get up super early, nor go to the gym after work. Plus, it was a good break from our desks in the middle of the day. I kept it up until I was 24 weeks pregnant (not all of it, just the occasional run by the end) and since then, my activity levels have plummeted!

Today I am feeling good pain for the first time in an age. Not the usual soreness of open wounds or swollen skin, but good, healthy, 'it hurts to get on and off the toilet' kind of pain! My legs ache, as does my torso and I am physically worn out. And it feels great!

I ran a fairly short distance - about 4 km/2.6 miles - but it feels great to have finally got out there again. My average time was about as quick as it used to be when I was fit - I was pretty shocked. However, it's not because I am miraculously athletic after such a long time out of the saddle, it's just because I'm carrying an average of about 34 pounds/15.4 kgs less than before. I shouldn't be surprised by this basic science, but I am easily awed by so many things in life! My HS didn't flare up, nor did it cause me any pain during the run. The area was a little more swollen in the evening, but no more than when I have been walking a lot.

Anyway, one swallow doesn't a summer make; so, I need to stop being so happy about doing one run and get motivated to start doing more and more to tone up this newly thin body!

I'm five days back into my diet and seem to have made another little faux pas. Today I have swelling and pain again - boo! I think it's either the apple cider vinegar, or the organic smoked salmon.

Organic, but from my research, still toxic??

Before I made a dressing for my beautifully pressure-cooker steamed artichoke, I need to find a substitute for balsamic vinegar after my last experience left me a little inflamed. I had read quite a few different sites yesterday on the effects of apple cider vinegar and they all seemed very pro this type of vinegar on the autoimmune protocol (now I'm wondering if I had been reading 'Doc' sites or just blogs...hmmm?). Now I am having another little look, there appears to be a huge debate over the quality of apple cider vinegar and what effect it can have on you.

I had had a bit of a flare last time I ate organic farmed salmon, but I had forgotten about it. So now I am trying to do a little bit of research, so that it stays in my brain. I must remember not to be lured in by the organic-ness and I remember why I should not be eating farmed fish.

It's all about keeping the Omegas 3 and 6 in balance apparently. Now, there is so much sciencey stuff attached to this and I would love to spend my days immersed in the ever elusive search for the perfect balance of fatty acids in my system, however, I have 'home' stuff to do (and a life that doesn't revolve round me!).

I did do a little research, and as with most things food related, I wish I had never opened the flood gates! I found so many articles on how farmed salmon is ridiculously dangerous for the ecosystem and how the labels for organic fish have much lower restrictions than those on farmed animals. There is quite a comprehensive article on the The World's Healthiest Foods site, explaining all the science behind the imbalance of Omega 3 and 6.

This article about Canadian salmon is interesting, 'Demystifying "organic" farmed salmon: Is there such a thing?' and obviously a little Googling it up produces a plethora of the 'whys', 'whats' and 'wherefores' of eating salmon. An article here gives a bit more background into what we should be eating and steers the topic away from the eco/ethical debate, focussing on the health issue more.

Back to my search for the 'perfect salmon to meet my Omega ratio requirements', I found another little article on "Balancing Omega-3 and Omega-6". It doesn't talk about farmed salmon, but does give an insight into how the imbalance affects people's health.


After trying not to get too sucked in by the whole salmon debate online (and limiting my exposure as to why eating anything that has a pulse makes me a bad person), I have managed to skim the surface of farmed vs wild salmon and the many reasons I shouldn't eat it farmed.

I found a little fact sheet that summed it up with this:

"Don’t eat wild Atlantic salmon and farmed salmon. The Monterey Bay Aquarium in California recommends wild Alaskan salmon as an alternative, while the UK-based Marine Conservation Society suggests organically farmed Atlantic salmon."

With the apple cider vinegar debate still looming, I think a little more eating experimentation will have to occur, before I can make any confirmed conclusions between the salmon and my HS. In the interests of health and general eco-equilibrium of world balance, my conclusion is that I should probably just eat wild alaskan salmon once or twice a year (preferably when I'm near Alaska to minimise my carbon footprint). Perhaps this is my cue to start looking for a wild, line-caught fish oil supplement....

This time last year and hadn't even considered giving up any of these foods. A couple of month's down the line, I had started a "Paleo" diet, having read a little about how Hidradenitis Suppurativa could be an autoimmune disease and therefore influenced by diet. At that early stage, I knew then that I'd never be able to cut out eggs if I was hoping to get enough protein in my diet without bankrupting us. I definitely could never have envisaged living without tomatoes, spices and chilli - my staple foods for cooking up tagines, curries and most of my evening meals. Six month's down the line, and many hours of research on the internet, my diet is almost virginal (slight exaggeration, but that's how it feels sometimes!). I am a fully fledged autoimmune protocol diet fan!

What I should be drinking right now.....

As with any times of restrictions in life, I found that it helps to have some kind of boundary or end date in sight. Without this, my motivation to abstain wouldn't have lasted past my initial pain-motivated, stubborn determination. I set my timeframe as 60 days of a complete elimination diet, before starting to reintroduce foods one at a time. Somedays, I would comfort myself with the fact that I may only need to do 30 days and other times, I would face the (sometimes depressing) reality that this diet may become my way of life. Forever. However, for the sake of sanity and positivity, it is good to keep in mind that there are definitely worse realities in life than this!

....what I'm actually drinking right now
(NOT recommended for AI elimination diet!)

Just snacking on a piece of fresh coconut with a lovely cup of freshly brewed cup of Fairtrade organic Ethiopian coffee (which should read 'a lovely cup of organic mint, nettle and gunpowder green tea', but no-one's perfect!)  and thinking that I'd share a little of what I have read and researched in terms of things to avoid whilst on the autoimmune diet. Despite it being a little negative to start with what I can't eat, it is a known fact that bad news is far more exciting/interesting than good news...so we'll start with what we can't eat....

Foods to avoid

• Eggs
• Dairy, including all dairy (yes, even fermented dairy, goat's milk and any thing else that comes from an animal's udders)
• Cereal grains (rice, oats, wheat etc)
• Seeds of any variety.
• Seed and vegetable oils (all except coconut oil and olive oil, which I have in abundance - see Foods to Eat')
• Spices derived from seeds (cumin, coriander, mustard - anything which I used to eat that made my food taste good)
• All nuts, including nut butters.
• Legumes, including all types of beans, chick peas (garbanzas), lentils, soy, peanuts etc.
• Any soy derivatives (soy milk, yoghurts, tofu, soy sauce)
• Refined sugar in any form.
• Honey in any form.
• Processed foods - bread, pasta, any gluten-free 'health' alternatives, cured meat, ham, bacon.
• Alcohol (boooo)
• Grain-fed red meat (after my bad experience of an intense flare up after homemade burgers, this is off the menu!)
• Nightshades. This includes tomatoes, all types of peppers, including bell peppers, pimento, chilli pepper (excluding black peppercorns), egg plant, tobacco (not many people still eat this, but you probably shouldn't smoke it either!) and common old potatoes.
• Coffee - especially if you are a caffeine addict! (I am not a coffee drinker per se, but I have started to have a cup here and there, in the name of rebellion and inner freedom. Also, I haven't noticed a reaction from it..yet)
• Fruit juices (too much concentrated sugar, not enough fibre).
• Any food that contains an ingredient that you cannot pronounce, like stock cubes and sweeteners and anything containing sweeteners, like sugar-free gum.
• Many vinegars  - I even avoid organic balsamic vinegar; I think the 'concentrated grape must' contains too much sugar.

So it's not a long list, but the combinations of processed foods out there are endless. Dark chocolate, carrot cake, "paleo" muffins, cereal bars, smoothies, V8, gluten-free crackers - so many things that look innocent (ooh, Innocent Smoothies - yum yum...No. Stop it. Illegal), but are now off limits. Melissa Joulwan, author of Well Fed, a beautiful paleo recipe book, tried the autoimmune diet for 30 days and as she puts it, there is zero "food fun" during that period.

Anyway, enough of what can't be had and onwards and upwards to what can and should be delightfully savoured in the name of self-healing....

Foods to Eat

• Fresh vegetables - anything in season, although when your diet is so limited, I've found it's better not to fully restrict yourself to keep some variety and sanity in your life.
• Beautiful squash and versatile sweet potatoes (I know these are vegetables, but they become your "pasta/rice replacements", so I think they deserve a line on their own
• Fresh fruit - I have read so much about limiting fruits, eating one piece per meal, eating them before dinner not after - oh so many pieces of advice, but I just tend to eat as much as I want. It may have a negative affect, but it's got to be better than eating a handful of Haribo Tangfastic jelly sweets.
• Fish - preferably wild and line caught. 
• Grass fed beef and pastured meat of any variety and game.
• Poultry, again organic and not battery farmed would be best.
• Coconuts, coconut oil and coconut milk (preferably with no guar gum and BPA free- although hard to find unless you have dedicated organic shops).
• Olive oil and olives (organic as non-organic contain various preservatives).
• Herbal teas (I'm bang into Jasmine green tea- amazing!)
• Naturally dried fruit (although I'd avoid this as a staple ingredient as it's too high in sugar).

Ok, so the 'Foods to Eat' list looks shorter, but when you consider all the amazing varieties of fruit and veg in the world, it is an endless list of variety and choice. I know that to back this all up I should include all the yummy recipes that we try every week, here at home. One day I will, but until then, I'll leave it to the experts, like Michelle Tam from nomnompaleo.com and Sarah Fragoso from Everyday Paleo.

Until then, I am back on my autoimmune 'wagon', and hoping to start reintroducing foods in the coming months. For all those who are embarking on this journey, it is baby steps all the way and a constant reminder to "be kind to yourself. Bon courage!

I'd love to hear people's experiences of how they have survived the elimination diet and things that have or haven't worked.....

I am not a physician, licensed dietician, nor nutritional specialist. The dietary information provided is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any illness or to provide medical advice. it is advised that you make your health care decisions based on your own research and the advice of a qualified health care professional. Good luck!

So much for avoiding inflammatory foods. By the end of the day of 'pain', I decided that whilst I'm having a flare up, I may as well indulge....I never said my resolve was endless! Ed has a garage full of good wine and, well sometimes it's hard to say no to a 90 euro bottle of wine! We are celebrating and not just my 8 weeks of strict eating. We have made an offer on a piece of land and it has been accepted! Woohooo!

Whilst off the wagon, I have had a couple of days of indulgence. Another rump steak on the BBQ - lush! And also, Ed managed to get free tickets to a wine exhibition (think free wine tasting on a grand scale) at the Parc des Expositions at Bordeaux Lac. We picked up our free glass at the entrance and voila! The selection was enormous, so we narrowed it down by trying the organic wines first. We stuck to Burgundy, Bordeaux and Champagne. Then as we went along we narrowed it down by the look of the vendors! We bought six bottles and headed off. It was a great experience and a really good way to find lots of lovely new wines to fill up our wine fridge. Next year, hopefully we will be following suit with the French and bringing a trolly to fill up the car with a few boxes, not just a few bottles!

In the evening we cooked up a rump steak on the BBQ that had been marinating all day in olive oil, salt and pepper. We had it with a mushroom mix of oyster, paris and closed cup mushrooms, sautéed in coconut oil with onion and garlic - lush!

By the evening, the pain had stepped up a notch, as it always does after I've been walking around a lot. I was struggling to sit down and when I went to bed, sleep evaded me. I resorted to taking an ibuprofen - something I have avoided since trying to heal my gut. The relief was amazing and at about 2.30, I finally drifted off to sleep. 

Today, the pain continues and the inflammation around my spots is back. I am sitting down like an old woman and I know I will have to apply all my dressings properly if I want any kind of comfort today.
I am day 2 back into my diet and despite the pain, I feel good.

Far from being a hideous experience, I can say (in hindsight!) that this has been educational and motivating. At least I know for sure that my diet does have an effect on HS and the past two months have not been a waste of time. Nothing like a good flare up to remind us how lucky we are when are days are pain free. 

Wow. I am in pain today. It was the red meat - I am sure of it. I woke up and the pain was back in my butt - like it used to be everyday before I started this autoimmune protocol diet. The area is inflamed and it hurts to sit down. I can't believe I had almost forgotten how that constant severe pain feels!

I was getting so used to just a little mild discomfort and enjoying being able to sit down without wincing. I was also catching myself crouching down super slow, thinking I might put pressure on my spots and realising that I didn't need to.

But today it's back. 

The shooting pains up the side of my butt cheeks. Perching on the seat cushion, so I don't put any added pressure on the spots and strapping up the area, to avoid any friction pain on top of the swelling pain. The grumpy mood I'm in because of the pain. All back after one meal of red meat.

I had discussed it with Ed before and we had guessed that red meat might have affected it, but that was back when I was eating a whole load of inflammatory foods and the constant pain meant it was hard to distinguish which foods were doing what. Now I am sure. No more red meat. Well, at least no more regular, supermarket beef. Grass-fed beef? It might be an option, but I am still trying to source it here in Bordeaux. We had always said when the meat had run out in the freezer, we would be looking to buy grass-fed (and even better, organic) beef. Now, if anything, it is the only option for me.

So after nearly 8 weeks on the autoimmune diet the great news is that I am definitely healing. I  inadvertently reintroduced an inflammatory food and to my surprise, the results are super clear. I thought I was ready to reintroduce other foods back into my diet, but after this experience, I think I'll wait a little longer!

Tyla has done it again! She is the Queen of Mushroom Picking and this week, she has found morels - no less, she has found them in...wait for it....our garden!!

She found 100 grams of these babies!

I had no idea when morels grew  -I just assumed they would be around in October - the same as all the others like porcinis (cepes) and oyster mushies. But no! They are here. And they taste A-MA-ZING! Ed cut them, leaving the stalks in the ground and we hope they spore some more. They grow well in sandy soil and they're hollow. To prepare them, you rinse them well and voila -ready to cook! They are not to be eaten raw, as they are mildly toxic.

We made some homemade burgers, with onion, garlic, salt and pepper and parsley from the garden (no egg and cumin, as I'm still on my elimination diet). I prepped some baby spinach, ripe avocado and we fried up some pork strips that I had marinating in olive oil, salt, pepper and dried garlic. For the morels, we had two separate recipes. For Ed and Tyla, they fried some garlic in a tablespoon of butter, until soft. Then they added chopped up Morels and cooked for another couple of minutes. Then at the end, added a tablespoon of white wine, salt and pepper. I had mine the same, but olive oil instead of butter and no white wine.

We fried the burgers on our Le Creuset griddle pan, and served with the pork and morel sauce.

O. M. G!! 

I have never tasted mushrooms so good! Considering I wasn't feeling too optimistic about the dwindling supplies in the fridge, I was super excited about the meal we created. I really could have eaten that dinner twice. Roll on more rain and more morels!

It's been a long week. Tomorrow is Friday and I cannot wait for the weekend. I have spent the past three days in front of the Mac, compiling all 60+ pages evidence for an upcoming court case. It's a long story, but basically our last tenant left without paying his mast month's rent. He was a terrible tenant and tried to sue us for 5000 pounds! Needles to say, he lost, but not before costing me hours of time fighting the court case - precious  time I could have spent with my newborn baby girl.

Anyway, I cannot even begin to explain the relief I feel having sent the papers off yesterday. With the case hanging over me, I haven't had any motivation to do housework, sew, bake - nada! Whilst I was in the throes of tackling the case, Ed ran out of underwear, the washing spilled out over the laundry basket, our sheets looked like they would crawl off the beds and even the bath was dusty. As soon as those papers were sent off to the court - boom! My heart started singing and all was right with the world. Since then all the bed sheets have been changed, bread has been baked, three loads of washing have been washed and dried and the downstairs floor has been washed. We're not even 24 hours post-court fighting! It all helps that it has been sunny here for over a week, with temps as high as 23 degrees C.

Nina playing in the sun - God help us if we try to take the bike helmet off of her!

Whether it's an essay, a court case or any other intense paperwork, the result is always the same when it's completed -heavenly bliss! If only I could hold that moment of euphoria in my mind, when tackling my writing tasks - it would certainly beat dreaming about cleaning skirting boards!

I am way into my diet now and I am now noticing that apart from being the skinniest I've been since I was 8 years old, I am not craving bread or cakes. I think I may have finally slain the sugar dragon - wooohooo!

Big Momma before...

..Skinny Momma after!

It has been a tough 6 weeks, but I feel I am settling in to it now. It is surreal that I have come this far and not quit. I remember the first time I read It Starts With Food, I remember thinking that there would always be a limit to what I would be able to cut out of my diet and I certainly wouldn't be able to cut out all that food and eggs - what would I eat for breakfast?? 

The truth is, when you are desperate, you can pretty much achieve anything.

I had really got to the point where I was ready to even give the antibiotics a go. I was in constant pain and was still just using the gauze and micropore to strap my sores up. Painkillers were ruining my stomach and after a few days of painkillers, I was getting awful headaches.

I knew then that I just didn't want to be intoxicating myself even more with antibiotics. I had been eating semi-paleo since June. I got back on the internet and found Primal Girl's blog again. I re-read it and decided, enough was enough -  I was going to do it!

And here I am. Eating a beautiful variety of nature's beautiful foods. Again, I'd love to say it was easy, but it is not. Who wants to cook two-three times a day, everyday? Who doesn't want to be able to throw in a ready-meal, or a pizza at the end of a hectic week? I certainly struggle at those times. But let me say this. My family and I are eating a bigger and better variety of fruit and vegetables than ever before. We have cut down on our meat consumption and we substitute junk food nights with oven baked sweet potatoes, eaten covered in pink Himalayan salt and eaten with our fingers from a bowl whilst watching TV. We have learnt to appreciate that all the food we are eating is nourishing us and the effort we put in has a reward. Good health. For all of us.

So on the mornings where I struggle to decide what to eat and force myself to cook up those leftover courgettes and onions, I am comforted by the thought that I have achieved more than I ever believed was possible! The inflammation in my backside has subsided so much. I still have the spots and they are still leaking - I have even had a couple of new ones. But it's all healing so much quicker. I haven't had any painkillers for at least two weeks. Will I go into remission? Who knows? But something is working and I am more motivated than ever to carry on eating this way.

After seeing the homeopath, he has given me the go ahead to order the Swiss treatment of Serocytols. I am optimistic, as I am with all new treatments. I believe that there is a difference in being optimistic and blindly hopeful - although both have their place at times - and I am ready to try a new treatment. Edwin phones Serolab and places the order. It will arrive the day we get back from Brittany.

It's hard to say if the homeopathic treatment I am on now is working. I would say that my HS definitely has not gotten worse, which is a fab thing. My diet is still difficult. I have some delicious meals, but I would be lying if I said that finding the inspiration to eat is easy. I don't take supplements other than the magnesium and the once a week Vit D drops that the homeopath has prescribed for me. I wonder if the alcohol and the lactose in the homeopathic medicines have an impact on my diet and if I am actually getting anywhere at all. It's not so much a 'self pity' thing, as a 'lost bewilderment' thing, fuelled by all the conflicting information on the internet! Of course there is some self-pity, but it is all getting easier. I am not bowled over (as often) by the realisation that I have an incurable disease. I no longer miss milk or dairy products. I love it when I have a good meal and feel I am nourishing my body and soul. Most of all I love my family and am so grateful for having them around me.

This post is all about HS, so if you are squeamish, have no interest in blood and pus and other disgusting aspects of this disease, please feel free to move on!

I am sick of not getting anywhere with this. Whenever I have a few days like this I find the best way is to try and find something that gives me some hope that I can live a little more comfortably with this condition. So, I decided to email some dressing companies based on a wound care sheet I found. Convatec were very polite, but said they could not send me any dressings direct as samples are only sent to dermatologists/organisations etc. The nice lady from Convatec was very sweet and sent me a link to the Hidradenitis Suppurativa Trust website and urged me to go and see a dermatologist here. I'd very much like to, but my last experience of seeing a dermatologist in Bordeaux didn't go so well.

We went to a hospital in Bordeaux. After waiting for nearly 2 hours, we finally met the derm. He brought in a whole load of students to examine my backside, spoke only in French, addressing Edwin most of the time. He spoke English to me at the very end, so he obviously could have explained the tricky bits in English, but chose not to. When I tried in earnest (in French) to explain how I had changed my diet and tried to change my whole lifestyle to combat this disease from inside, he hardly acknowledged it. Instead he wote me a prescription for a 10 week course of antibiotics and said, "If you were dying you would take it, but it's up to you." Oh, the arrogance!

Anyway, I am back to finding my own path for the time being. 3M called me back and said they would get their resident doctor to call me about types of dressings, but I never heard back. I decided to ask my homeopath for a prescription of Duoderm Extra Thin, but as usual when I think everything is going well the language barrier prevails and I got a prescription for Duoderm E Border (I believe it is Granuflex in the UK) instead.

I tried it the next day, carefully cutting it out and placing it directly on the sensitive spots that were leaking. It was weird, awkward and a bit cumbersome. The patches were quite thick and they were sticky, which meant my butt cheeks kept sticking together during the day! By the end of the day, I had had enough and tried to take them off. Well, it says just hold the skin and gently peel back...right...that's not quite how it happened with me! I tried pulling and it was so stuck to my skin, I was in agony. Ed came to help me and at this point one side opened and pus dripped all over the floor. I started laughing at the absurdity of the position I was in, not really knowing what to do next. I stood in the shower and we carried on laughing as I peeled the layer of hydrocolloid off my broken skin, with intermittent yelps of pain between the laughs.

It hadn't worked out as well as I'd hoped. it had been semi-'waterproof', but  had definitely cut the strips too big. I realised too, that my skin was so sensitive, I would need to put the Mepilex on under it, to prevent it sticking to my skin. It was a little disappointing, but for a first go at finding a longer term solution, it wasn't all that bad. It's hard to know what you are supposed to be doing with all of this new technology, even if it is just a glorified plaster.

One down, many more dressings to go! Allez!

I am three weeks into my diet now. I would love to say it has been easy and I am enjoying all the lovely recipes of nourishing food that are out there, but it's not true. I am STARVING!!! Well, that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but I am having super intense cravings for cakes, bread, nuts and well, anything and everything I'm not allowed. The only benefit I can see right now, is that I have lost about 7 lbs. I am one grumpy bitch, my skin is bad and I have low energy levels, or low motivation - I can't quite decide what it is. It's been hard on everyone and I really need to pull myself out of it. Quick. But how??

I am really enjoying my main meals, but am finding it hard in between meals. I don't usually snack that much, but since starting this AIP, I have been really hungry between meals. I guess if I asked a pro, they would say I'm not getting enough nutrient dense food in my diet. I'm so over it all though, I'm struggling to find the motivation to cook up some lovely stuff to see me through the day.

I have succumbed and bought myself some toasted coconut flakes. I am assuming they are not good for me or my diet, but they've got to be better than dark chocolate, almond or any of the other scrumptious foods I want to stuff my face with.

Lets hope my mojo comes back pretty quick, because I'm becoming seriously unpopular in this household!

 Happy Valentine's Day! I have had a busy day, finishing off presents and planning after school painting for the girls. I love making stuff, but it is pretty hard to fit it all in whilst entertaining a toddler! Plus, she is the lightest sleeper ever, so when she goes up to bed, I have to craft as quietly as possible. God, the sewing machine seems so loud!! I've finished the heart cushion and did some chain stitch letters on it. This is my first time ever, so it's not been perfect. Plus the added pressure of doing it in a limited time and without making ANY noise has made it a bit harder still!

I blame the wonky stitching on Nina...

My little present for Tyla is made last minute, too. I rummaged through my leftover supplies from Christmas, got the trusty glue gun out and voila! An easy and quick little gift, that I know she will love. She likes anything mini (don't we all) and loves little notes, so I'm on to a winner here!

I pick Ty up - she loves her gift. We all get down on the floor and make hand prints in paint on a big heart that I've drawn. I always love the idea of doing stuff together, but it's always so much easier in your head isn't it?? Well, the girls enjoyed getting mucky and we have a handprinted heart, that is "made with love, not precision"! 

Daddy comes home with an unexpected bunch of roses for moi! Aaaw! One for each year together (that's four whole years - a long time for us novices) He wanted to buy a nice wine, but we'll have to wait 55 days at least for that, not that I'm counting...

Well, today has been busy and challenging, but warm and fuzzy at the same time. I am eating enough good food and feeling less pain. Just how I like it.